Fooey in the car this afternoon (an announcement): "I'm going to watch Magic School Bus all by myself. I want some alone time. No one disturb me."
It's been a grey day, and it almost seemed that the sun didn't shine. Dim light. Late November light. That closing in ahead of the winter solstice. Last night, Kevin and I went to a neighbourhood Christmas party and it was darn fun. I haven't gotten dressed up for well over a year, and had to plunder the attic in search of party-ish clothes (not that I needed to wear them; it was all a matter of wanting to). I wore a black Lida Baday strapless top with this shruggish sleeves-only sweater (no idea what it really should be called), bought in Toronto almost a decade ago. My one and only designer purchase, ever. I still remember going into the store on the Danforth near where we lived at the time and laying out a fair wad of cash for that overall outfit, which included a balloony ballgown-type skirt that didn't seem right for last night's bash; I went with an old lined wool black-and-white checked skirt.
It was definitely a rush to apply makeup (approximately a once-yearly event), fluff hair, adorn self. Mostly, I love my mama-self disguise--that's not the right word, though. It's not a disguise, it's a true emanation of myself, the jeans and turtlenecks and zip-up sweaters and frumpy winter hat and last-year's-maternity coat and rarely brushed hair and rushing out the door without even a glance into a mirror. Mostly, that' s a very satisfying me to live within. But this other me was delightfully escapist for a night, like going on a full-body holiday. The dancing was the best part. It takes a little time to get really relaxed and uninhibited, I find, but ultimately there's so much release in moving one's body to music.
Baby CJ did wake, but his grandma was able to soothe him till we got home, hours later. We found them cuddling on the couch together at about one in the morning.
Right now, I'm baking a huge batch of peanut granola that smells fabulous. Tomorrow Albus is back at the dentist first thing in the morning, and it's a writing day, assuming everything pans out. We are in the midst of some crammed weeks, with Kevin working weekends, and seemingly endless appointments, dental and otherwise; and then Christmas will be upon us. After lunch today, the kids and I played some songs on the piano, including carols. I bought a beautiful advent calendar yesterday--made in India; Ten Thousand Villages--that you fill yourself, so it's reusable from year to year. I feel like really celebrating Christmas this year, inventing new family traditions and solidifying others, while remaining faithful to a more-with-less philosophy. These seasonal events take on more significance the older I get (maybe), or the more I feel our family to be its own unique entity in the world, with everyone's voice adding to the mix. I want to embrace where our family is at, right now, and not waste an ounce of this togetherness. It's such great fortune to share our lives in relationship with others.
And sometimes you've just gotta dance.
Finding Vivian Maier
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