Thinking New Year. Thinking about how, when I'm doing something that I really love, I'm almost out of body, there's a feeling of transcendence. Yet that out of body thing seems to take me away, too, from the conscious reality of Life. Played piano for an hour yesterday while CJ napped and the other kids played road hockey. It took me far far away, into music's private space, feeling the meaning of the notes take character and shape, speaking emotion with my fingers on the keys. But then, I wasn't with my kids and that made me feel vaguely guilty. What does it mean, to be "with" people? That is something I'm struggling with as I try to live life as presently as possible--with presence, with gratitude. The paradox is that often when I'm most present within an activity, deeply focussed, I'm taken away from the everyday-ness, away from the chaos going on around me. Away from them.
We did something funny yesterday morning (pre-road-hockey). The kids were going wild with boredom and CJ was extremely fussy, so I popped him in the sling and paced the living-room while narrating our lives operatically. Everyone found this hugely entertaining ("Get off your sister!" sung in slightly out-of-range soprano with serious vibrato beats plain old "Get off your sister," any day). The best part was that they joined in. That's the kind of transcendence I crave--collective transcendence.
There was a program on collective joy, recently, on CBC Radio's Tapestry. It's a concept I'd never considered, but instantly understood--that amazing experience of feeling connected to and part of something larger than oneself. It's even more amazing when the experience is being collectively invented, when everyone is a participant. Think: sports. Think: camp. Think: orchestra, theatre, choir. (Think other things I haven't thought of or mentioned; and tell me about them, please!). Speaking of which, last night I watched the finale of a deeply moving documentary called "The Choir: Boys Don't Sing." It's a BBC production and may actually be a series, in which a young British choirmaster goes into hard-knock schools and starts a choral program. In this case, Gareth went to an all-boys school and in nine months built an amazing 150-voice choir that included a group of beat-boxers. To watch their performance at the Royal Albert Hall was truly to witness an experience of collective joy. Look up this series if you have even the slightest interest in choral music (and even if you think you don't).
On that note, I must continue preparing for our low-key New Year's celebration this evening. These are my New Year's hopes (forget resolutions): great creative energy, imaginative problem solving, vats of patience, presence, gratitude, calm, reflection, and bursts of collective joy.
18 hours ago