Saturday, March 28, 2009

This is the Only Moment





Can you guess what Albus is eating? Yes, it's what's marked on the freezer bag: frozen red peppers. He and Apple-Apple ate half the bag after supper last night. Local Red Pepper Popsicles.
Kevin has the flu. He's utterly out of commission, and I'm worried about him. I've been trying to remember when life got so hard. It feels like we've been running a non-stop marathon, but where was the start line? Months ago, years ago. Last night when Fooey was having a nightmare, and it was 10pm and I'd been on my feet and working all day and just wanted to fall into bed myself, I held her and these words came into my head: "This is the only moment. This one here." It gave me incredible peace and strength to think those words. I felt unexpectedly capable: of being present, and of giving what needed to be given, right then.
CJ and I came upon a car/pedestrian accident yesterday. We'd been playing in our front yard, enjoying the sunshine, when I noticed a disturbance at the intersection very near our house, so we walked down to see what was happening. It had just happened, though three people had already gone to the woman, and were comforting her. There was nothing I could do; someone in a car had already called 911. It shook me. Life's randomness, unpredictability, sadness. We cannot protect ourselves from it.
But my nature is optimistic, hopeful. I believe that attitude matters, that how I react to situations matters, that I have it in me to be ... calm, present, patient, whole. That's why I wanted to hang laundry today. It seemed medicinal. Being outside is medicinal. Sunshine is. This is the only moment.

5 comments:

  1. i will remember this.

    and the grace of it.

    i will.

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  2. Oh god - I hope Kev's flu didn't come from our house...

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  3. Julia--he's much much better this morning!!! I'm relieved. (Don't worry where it came from; these things are just AROUND.)

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  4. I said this to myself in the midst of much stress this week - this is the only moment - and it gave much relief. thanks.

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