Brother’s Day
5 hours ago
four children + green dreams + recipes + story writing + running wild + (sanity) = where you'll find me


Can't stop taking photos. Running out subjects. Maybe I'll carry the camera out tonight and record an evening edition playgroup in session. Sleepy due to late night and indulgent celebrations. Achy from the hot yoga super-poses. Mountains of laundry due to not folding on my birthday. Supper will be black beans and rice with tortillas and authentic Central American crema, and queso blanco; this might possibly be my favourite meal of all time. I should be gearing up to make new year's resolutions, or feeling more contemplative, but ... somehow, not yet. "Can you please focus!" I just heard Albus tell his sister, who is doing the camera work for their mutual movie project, which involves all the amazing Star Wars Lego ships he's built over the last week. Quite astonishing, really. He does it completely without assistance; when I tried to help, I realized that I couldn't, because the instructions were too complicated for my non-mechanically-inclined brain to follow. It's a bit like doing 3-D puzzles.
Woke early to CJ crying a word that sounded like "puppy." Nope, another word very similar; and his diaper had worked its way off in the night. After cleanup, we had a snuggle and a nurse. Then we got AppleApple dressed and ready for a day at horse camp--my Christmas gift to her. I don't think she's wearing enough socks under her rubber boots. It's freezing out there! Took Fooey along because she wanted to see the horses. Spent the entire time at the farm listening to Fooey cry because she wasn't wearing snow pants. Spent the entire trip home with Fooey kicking the back of my seat and howling because I hadn't brought a snack for her. She did seem properly chagrined when I reminded her that it was my birthday, finally (guilt tripping Mama).
On the eve before each birthday, I like to sit down and write, right around midnight, usually for a good hour of pouring out and thinking ahead. This is a ritual I've been observing for many years, and I always write by hand rather than type. Because I rarely write by hand anymore, the journal in which I'll write tonight is the same one I've used for several past years too. Its pages never seem to fill anymore. There was a time when I filled several paper journals each year. At one stage, I faithfully recorded my dreams upon waking. But I'm not sure what that taught me, other than how to remember my dreams. I'm not a dream-reader, though do find certain recurring themes curious, and occasionally dream vividly of people no longer in my life, who have died or are in some other way gone and inaccessible to me otherwise. There's something quite beautiful about those dreams, as if in dreaming I can find forgiveness or mercy or grace that cannot be granted while awake.



Our morning, so far: stockings opened and sticky rolls and homemade grape juice and sugar overload, and Christmas pajamas, and music on the radio, and a turkey in the oven, and sleepy parents, and a recycled train from the attic with new batteries that makes the most thrilling noises (if you're 2o months-old), and a bean bag chair, and enough books to fill a new shelf. Naptime, anyone? Anyone?

Sprinkling reindeer dust. Sticky buns set and rising in the fridge, to be baked for breakfast tomorrow. Stockings hung with care and anticipation. (AppleApple made the one on the left, especially for CJ. "I can hardly believe when I look at it that I made it!" Know what you mean, child. Know what you mean.)
On the afternoon of the day called Christmas eve ... downtime on the couch watching: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, and Mary Poppins. Kev and I are recovering to the point of functionality following a brief but unhappy and ill-timed bout of the stomach flu, the misery also shared by several of our children. Yesterday was a yuck day all around, and included some swearing (both Kevin and I, on entirely separate occasions, used a particular word we'd taken care never to expose the children to before ... which Albus today looked up in the dictionary. Sheesh). Around twilight, I became overcome with self-pity, which sits well on no one, especially on grown adults, I find. Yuck, yuck, yuck. But it all seemed a bit too unfair: to have finished writing the exam, all systems go for delicious holiday cooking and baking and sharing with family ... and then woken at dawn to the sound of ...
Today's new post on ParentDish: holiday baking with children. For those of you familiar with my blog, this may feel vaguely familiar. A little fictional non-fiction, if you will.



Delivering cookies. Eating cookies. So tired. So cranky. How much further? Why won't he wear his mittens? Now he's lost a boot. Oh no, everyone's escaped. This could be slow. Sloooooooooow. Hey, someone's home! Oops, pajama-time. How early in the morning is it, Mama? Hey, someone else is home! Would we like to come in and warm up? Would we like to come in! Cup of coffee for mama? Cup of coffee! Oh, yes, we brought you these treats ... that my children are now eating. For you, a second bag.



Today has been a kitchen day. I like kitchen days. I feel, mostly, competent in the kitchen. I feel free to experiment, to explore, to attempt. And I've got some devoted helpers, suddenly, too. Fooey's been all over the kitchen ever since last weekend's supper extravaganza. And I've been letting her help more, too. There's more mess, but so be it. She helped last night making Christmas cookies, unwrapping candy canes and smashing them with a rolling pin, then sprinkling them into our stained-glass cookies. And she helped again this morning, following along with a children's recipe, and reminding me at various points: "I can do this, because the little boy in the picture is doing it!" And she can.


Wish I had time to blog. That's on today's wish list.



Winter wish list: check! We are all be-mittened and be-hatted thanks to Kevin heading out solo yesterday morning to do his capitalist duty in this season of exuberant consumerism, while I hauled the children to my mom's where she tossed together a delicious lunch of sloppy joes on very short notice. We arrived in time for Fooey to help stir the sugar cookie dough, a good start to her day of cooking; actually, perhaps her best moment. CJ participated by eating dough off the wooden spoon, while everyone else gleefully cut out shapes, then iced the baked results, and ate them on the spot.
Warm waterproof mittens for everyone. Neck warmers for school-going children. Thick warm socks. Long-underwear for those who will deign to wear it (ie. me!). Hats that fit. A new winter coat (me, again).





One child crashed on couch. Apparently he needs an afternoon nap, after all. Three children making roads in the backyard. Minus 10 degrees Celsius. Loads of blowing snow. I'm glad it's a paradise for some of us.
Snow overnight. Turning to damp snow by dawn. And by the time I headed up the hill, pushing laden stroller, to meet and steer the walking school bus ... well, the substance falling upon us was debatable. One child suggested it was "slush." Yup, pretty much.

I wasn't sure we were up for it. But it was on the calendar: AppleApple's turn to make supper. We'd scheduled it for yesterday, on Sunday, because Kevin was away and working from Thursday night through Saturday evening, and this cooking experiment requires a second parent on hand to entertain those children whose turn it is not. We started with bread dough in the morning. AppleApple agreed to help. Truthfully, I was so lethargic and unfocused after that time alone with the kids, I wouldn't have managed to bake bread otherwise--and that's my new weekend goal: bake bread and bake cookies.