four children + green dreams + recipes + story writing + running wild + (sanity) = where you'll find me
Monday, December 17, 2012
I took a holiday from electronics over the weekend. The word "electronics," aka 'lectronics, is heard often in our house, and is often a source of conflict, as I, responsible mother, repeatedly refuse my children time on their 'lectronic devices.
Yesterday, driving home from a soccer game, the whole family in the car, the youngest in tears because we weren't watching a movie or letting him play on his brother's Playbook -- during the relatively short car ride -- I had one of my ranting moments, this with the theme "Addicted to Electronics." It's kind of like a Ted talk, only unedited, and interactive.
"But what about all the time you spend on Facebook, and doing your blog, and writing?" my eldest pointed out. "What about email? And you have your Blackberry that you're always checking."
So we drew some lines. Games and Facebook are kind of the same thing: entertainment. Email/texts are, for me, and for better or for worse, like the telephone; they connect me to friends and family. Writing and blogging can be useful and creative. "If you want to write a story on the computer, I will make sure you have a computer to use," I said. "But an hour of wii-time on Saturday and Sunday seems like enough."
I don't want to ban 'lectronics from our lives. I want us to use them in ways that are positive, that don't cause conflict, and that don't prevent us from exercising our brains and collective selves in non-'lectronic creative ways.
This is what passes for family meetings these days. I actually think it was a fairly effective conversation, by the end. I had my rant, the kids got to counter with their arguments, and we all finally agreed that Facebook and computer games needed to be limited, but that there are occasions when 'lectronics are useful tools.
I've spent the weekend in a kind of hibernation. I'm sick, but functioning, up all night coughing, slogging through during the day. "How can I feel so yucky, and still rock a 10 kilometre run?" I asked Kevin on Friday night. I took two extra-strength Tylenol and ran for fifty minutes at soccer yesterday -- our team had no subs. I felt terrific during the game; chilled and feverish afterward. I'm a believer that exercise is curative. But I still feel sick.
I don't think my electronic hibernation this weekend was about feeling sick, though. I think it was about the latest shooting in the United States. I didn't hear about it until late Friday afternoon. I'd spent all day setting up my new book in Scrivener, cut off from the world, marvelling at this brand-new-insanely-useful tool, feeling like I could have happily chained myself to my desk for the next three months and just lived in my imaginary world. Which isn't practical. So at around 4pm, I turned it off to get ready for our complicated Friday evening ritual, which involves a carshare car, a picnic, soccer equipment, and me in running gear.
But first I checked Facebook.
And then I saw the news. And then the news was all I could see or think about or handle, except I couldn't handle it. Fury and rage. That was my gut response. The thought that these weapons are legally obtainable. The thought, maybe, that these weapons even exist. Tell me why we need them. Why does anyone on earth need a gun that can rapid-fire hundreds of rounds of deadly ammunition? And if you think you need something like that, I'm pretty sure that should disqualify you from getting access to it. As I ran, sick and sad and furious, on Friday night, I thought, this could be my hill. This could be where I take my stand. But I drove home, alone, weeping so hard that I had trouble seeing the road ahead.
How to pick one hill? I feel a familiar sinking. The injustices and wrongs and evils are too numerous to list, let alone to comprehend. Child soldiers, dictatorships, unsafe factories where people work like slaves so we can buy our clothes for cheap, repression, rape, self-interest, tar sands, money and the lack of it and the greedy excess of it, drones, refugees in Canada denied health care, hunger even right here in our very own wealthy country. Is evil ordinary or extraordinary? Can it ever be contained? What is the meaning of safety and security? What is the meaning of prosperity? How can I do no harm? Or even just do less harm? How can I help.
This is the darkest time of the year. The holidays at this time of year celebrate the coming of light, and all that that means.
I don't know that I know what it means.
These are the words that come to me: Pour out your love, you won't run out.
I'm mother of four, writer, dreamer, planner, runner, photographer, taking time for a cup of coffee in front of this computer screen. My days are full, yet I keep asking: how can I fill them just a little bit more
-- with depth, with care, with pleasure.